Columbus Day Four: Thurman-ators and Celebrity Death

by CajunKate

So Day Four had been christened THURMAN-ATOR THURSDAY!!!! (Note: You must say that in a deep, dramatic voice like the one on those monster truck rally commercials.) And I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I was. The plan was to go to Thurman Café at about 2:00 pm to avoid the long lines. Alex and I slept in and were relaxing around the hotel room when I got a text from Jen saying Tim’s boss had cracked a tooth and had to go to the dentist at 1:00 pm, so Tim would not be able to leave work. Of course my first thought was, “That doesn’t mean we can’t go to Thurman Café does it?!?!?!?” What a selfish b***h, huh? Jen assured me that Tim insisted we go without him. Whew! Crisis averted! It was then that I was all, “Aw, man, poor Tim! That sucks!” See, I can be compassionate…once my needs are met.

Alex and I jetted over to Jen’s work and picked her up. Back at her house, we woke Byron up and sent him back to the hotel to take a shower and pack up for his overnight trip to Louisville with his friend Kathy. The wait was interminable. Well, maybe just for me. Finally, Byron returned just moments after I had fired off a text reading, “Uh, r u coming back?” Oops. We all jumped in the car and headed down to Thurman Café in the German Village section of Columbus. Thanks to my iPhone, we had no problems navigating our way there. (Had to get those iPhone props in!)

Once there, we were seated pretty quickly. The café is a pretty small place with limited seating and a very funky décor where visitors are encouraged to leave signed dollar bills and such on the walls and write on the booths. Fun! We left one of Alex's business cards.

After perusing the menu, I was the only one brave enough to order the Thurman-ator. Bydee and Alex ordered the regular Thurman burgers, and Jen got a Macedonian burger. I happily informed the waiter that I would be having the Thurman-ator, and he told me that two people had ordered it that day and they had almost finished it. He gave me a tip to facilitate the finishing of the Thurman-ator. He told me, “Go easy on the pop.” And I was thinking, “What the hell is pop?” when he kind of nodded toward my diet Coke, and I was all “Ohhhhh, soda! Ha! Oh, Yankees!” Not aloud, of course. That was in my head. I’ve got some manners!

We ordered some appetizers- pretzel bites (YUM!!) and a combo basket of fried and onion rings (YUM!!). This is when Byron morphed into competitive eater coach. He informed me that I would not be allowed to eat any appetizers. I started laughing and informed him that I could just, you know, get a to go box if I didn’t finish the Turman-ator. He started barking at me, saying things like, “Don’t think like a quitter! That’s like climbing Mount Everest half way and saying, ‘Oh, I’ll just come back and finish it later.’ You don’t do that!” Then Alex chimed in, “You don’t go to base camp and ask for a to go box!” This continued until the food, mercifully, arrived. But before my burger got to our table, the waiter had to stop off at several other tables so they could “ooh and ahh” over it. I s**t you not. That’s on the real. Then when the waiter set it down, a little old man came scrambling over with his digital camera and asked if he could take a picture of it. Yes, seriously. Then it was our turn to take pictures of the burger and me and the burger.

Finally, I was ready to dig in and the waiter came by right then to ask if we needed anything. I said, “I’m having trouble figuring out how to attack this thing” thinking, you know, he might have a tip, like with the pop thing. He said, “Yeeeah…good luck with that.” Huh.

I ended cutting it in half and then eating the top half of a half then the bottom half of a half. Does that make sense? Anyway, I was doing pretty well. Then Byron started moaning and groaning about how full he was. And started making retching noises. Then Alex pitched in with retching noises. Thanks, guys! I finally got about three quarters of the way through, and my “coach” Byron started saying, “Don’t do it! Just quit! You’ll throw up! Just quit!” Uh, what happened to that whole Mount Everest simile? I was soooooooooooo full. I probably could have forced myself to finish, but I definitely would have gotten sick. And that’s just retarded. So, I grabbed a napkin and waved it in the air in surrender, and everybody got a big kick out of that.

Now, let me say this loud and clear. Yes, the Thurman-ator is huge. But, more importantly, it is DELICIOUS!!!!! DE-LISH-OUS, people! I loved it. I don’t think I’d ever do it again. I’d just go with the Thurman burger next time, which is the normal sized (though still a very big burger!) version. Definitely met ALL my expectations and then some. Great experience! So, thanks Thurman Café! You rock!

After Thurman Café, we piled back into the Vue, each of us in our own special food coma. I can't speak for anyone else, but I was wondering if there was a Wal-Mart nearby where I could pick up a muu-muu. Oy, so full!

Back at Jen’s, Byron took off right away for Louisville. Tim was home by that point, so we sat around talking and visiting until the boys got home. The first words out of Colin’s mouth to me were, “Nanny Kate, can we go to your hotel pool?” So that’s what we did. Packed up the kids and hit the pool. Tim stayed behind and took a nap, so Alex pulled Daddy duty for a while and played “monster.”

Also, while at the pool, I got a text from Seth reading “RIP Michael Jackson.” I texted back, “Seriously? He’s dead?” And he texted back, “Some say so. Just heard he’s in a coma. I just like spreading gossip- TMZ style.” Ha! He cracks me up. Then Jen went into the lobby and said, “Kate! It’s true! It’s on CNN! He’s dead!” So I ran into the lobby and sure enough, MJ and Farrah Fawcett died on the same day. While I was chowing down on a Thurman-ator, Michael Jackson was dying from cardiac arrest. There’s a message in there somewhere, isn’t there? Huh. Can’t think of what it might be.

After swimming, we headed back to the house. The boys ate a little supper then went to bed. We ordered Chinese food, but I was still so full of Thurman-ator (mind you, this is a full eight hours since I ate the thing and we went swimming!) that I ate like two dumplings and was all, “No, no! No more food.” Truly a historic moment.

Anyway, Alex and I were wiped out, so Jen drove us back to our hotel, and we promptly crashed into bed. The end.

Oh! There are a few more pics from Day Four on my Flickr, naturally.