Confessions

So this is something that's making the round of blogs lately. Let's give it a whirl. Put on your reading glasses, and let's get started.

Taken a picture completely naked? Uh, no. Even before Vanessa Hudgens, I knew this was a bad idea.
Made out with a friend on your MySpace/Facebook page? Ew, NO! Oh...wait a minute... s**t... okay, but it was waaaay before the inception of MySpace. And my defense? Mad Dog 20/20 and the follies of youth. I think we can all relate.
Danced in front of your mirror naked? Why does this question make me think of Silence of the Lambs? That would be a no for me.
Told a lie? Who wrote this? Hello?!? Of course, I have. DMV and weight...ring a bell?
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? I believe this can be answered for all of us in two words- high school.
Been arrested? No, not even close. I am uber-nerd.
Made out with someone of the same sex? See above.
Seen someone die? Okay, who wrote this? NO! Thank God!
Slept in until 5pm? Yes, but it was in the city that never sleeps. And I didn't until 9:00 AM the next day,which technically comes out to the recommended eight hours of sleep. So there.
Had sex at work? I am no Mary Kay Letourneau.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Once in college. Hey, at least I made it to class. A lesser woman would not have.
Held a snake? Yep. I grew up in the wilds of Prudhomme City. There's no escaping that.
Ran a red light? Not on purpose, officer.
Been suspended from school? See "Been Arreseted?"
Totaled your car in an accident? Yep and managed to hit lots of stationary objects and an ambulance during my tenure as a licensed driver. Did I mention I am a bad driver?
Pole danced? Smoked? At the same time? No. In separate incidents? Only the smoking part.
Been fired from a job? No, but I look forward to it.
Sang karaoke? Nope.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Only every day. Starting with getting out of bed in the morning.
Laughed until a drink came out your nose? Yes, and that s**t stings like a son of a b***h.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? What is this snow you speak of?
Kissed in the rain? No, but it's a goal. I plan to stage it as a romantic comedy.
Sang in the shower? Of course, and I am awesome. If Simon Cowell were in my shower, I'd be the next American Idol...and plenty weirded out.
Given your private parts a nickname? No, but I've named the naughty bits of others. It's a gift, really.
Ever gone out without underwear? Yes. Maybe a bad decision on my part, but thankfully there were no paparazii there to mark the occassion.
Sat on a roof top? Oh yeah. Good times. Good times.
Played chicken? Mmmmm, no. Too much of a fraidy cat.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes. And after it stopped being funny, it sucked.
Broken a bone? Sixth grade. Broke my pinkie playing kickball in P.E. and that b***h Mrs. Stagg didn't believe me and made me go back in and finish pitching the game. Cow!
Mooned/flashed someone? Again, it's a goal. I plan to stage it as comedic adventure set in New Orleans @ Mardi Gras 2008.
Shaved your head? No, but I have been really tempted on days of 95 percent humidity.
Slept naked? Absolutley. It's not all it's cracked up to be, frankly.
Played a prank on someone? I guess. What kind of question is this? Did I pull a Punk'd? No.
Had a gym membership? You don't lose the equivalent of a small fourth grader sittin' around eatin' Ho-Hos, now do you?
Felt like killing someone? Wait...today?
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Made him? He had a choice.
Cried over someone you were in love with? Gallons.
Had sex more than 10 times in one day? Who the hell wrote this thing?!? No, I haven't. This answer is becoming pretty redundant, and it's starting to depress me.
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Okay, I didn't even know that could qualify as a pet. I think we eat that in Louisiana.
Been in a band? Does marching band count? Crap...did I really just say that?
Shot a gun? Once and only once.
Had sex today? This thing is bringin' me down. No, alright!
Played strip poker? Oh, for God's sake, I think I just discovered I am a repressed prude through a questionnaire. No, okay? No!
Tripped on mushrooms? Hell's bells! No! Dammit.
Donated Blood? Yes. Naturally, I've done this nice, staid, socially responsible act numerous times.
Video taped yourself having sex? Okay, seriously, who in the hell wrote this? Paris Hilton, dude. Need I say more?
Eaten alligator meat? Frog legs? Oh yeah! Yum-yum! Love me some fried aquatic species.
Ever jump out of an airplane? No, but it could happen...if the plane was on fire.
Have you been to more than 10 countries? I think I may kill myself when I am done with this survey. NO! Dammit, again!
Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend? They're not platonic if you want to do that to them, are they? The answer is no.

M'kay...that was interesting. Email me your answers to these preposterous questions. Yes, now!