Daigle Baby Loot Fest

by Cajun Kate

So yesterday was Melissa's baby shower...er, Melissa and Burt's baby shower?...er, Melissa, Burt and baby's baby shower? I never know who these soirées are actually for- mother? mother and father? mother, father, and baby? Whatever.

Anyway, we (me, Molly, Mom, Aimee, Emily, and Mary Grace) all headed down to Chalmette to Melissa's friend Melissa's house (how's THAT for confusing?!?) to attend the shower. Now, let me just say that because I suffer from R.S.S.D (Retard in Social Situations Disease), showers, on my list of things that I enjoy, rank somewhere between getting a kidney infection and standing in a pile of fire ants for ten minutes. That is to say--do. not. enjoy. Each time I get invited to a shower (or really any situation where I will be forced to be sociable and friendly with massive amounts of people I do not know), I immediately wish that there were some kind of pill out there for my R.S.S.D. that would magically transform me from Nervous Nellie girl into Shiny Magical Daisy girl. In lieu of that, I also immediately wish that I had some crazy friend with a prescription for Xanax. Alas, neither exists. So, basically, I was my usual nervous, cantankerous self which, as usual, went over like a lead balloon. The thing is that Melissa's family and friends, not knowing me all that well, tend to treat me with kid gloves. Take for example when I refused to be in the hostess picture and would only participate by taking the hostess picture. Did anyone f**k with me? No, they did not. They were probably afraid I would hurl over the cake and party favor table in a fit of rage or something. I am ashamed that people get the instant impression in social situations that I am the one "Most Likely to Flip the F**k Out," but what can I do? Science has shafted me by not coming up with that pill I need.

At any rate, from what I could tell between gulping red wine and stuffing my face with Fritos and onion dip in the corner, the shower was very beautiful, and everyone without R.S.S.D. had a rockin' good time. Melissa and Baby Daigle looked lovely, of course, and OH. MY. GOD. did she and that kid rack up on some serious loot! For reallsy. It was awesome. I think Melissa and Burt may have needed a U-Haul to get it all back to the Daigle pad in Lakeview.

And now for the photo essay! Oh surely, you didn't think you were going to get through this post without one? Silly you!

Here we have two BEAUTIFUL Daigle girls- Mary Grace and Emily. This picture p***es me off because it is just more clearcut proof that there is some awesome s**t in our gene pool that I was robbed of. Robbed, I tell you!

Here are the BEAUTIFUL Melissa and her three BEAUTIFUL cousins- Savannah, Meryl, and Morgan. Speaking of an awesome gene pool!

Here are Gwen (Mom Daigle), Melissa, and Nancy (Mom Fos). Melissa's mom suggested putting the hands on the tummy thing. I think it looks cute...and also like they're doing a magical spell! Cool!

This is Melissa and her Grandma Fos. To be honest, I have no idea what Melissa and her family actually call Grandma Fos. I'm sure it must be Granny or Grams or Maw-Maw, but in yet another stunning example of my clueless rudeness, I cannot actually tell you what the nickname is. Sorry, Grandma Fos...and Melissa... and, well, bascially the whole Fos family.

This is Melissa with her sisters. Michelle is on the left, and Kim is on the right. More good genes! Also, I really like all of these girls. Kim is so sweet and has all of those social graces that I seriously lack. Plus, she's beautiful. Michelle is awesomely different. Beautiful, like her sisters (those bitches!) but very blunt and sarcastic. More like me, but in a hysterically funny and self-assured way. She cracks me up! She's getting married soon, and I have been begging Melissa to get me an invitation because, seriously, that wedding and reception is going to ROCK. And I know Michelle would not give two hoots if I got wasted and danced like a stripper and then passed out in the champagne fountain. She's just that cool. Oh, and Michelle informed me that she reads the blog so- SHOUT OUT, Michelle! (You know what? On second thought, I hate ALL of these girls! Juuuust kidding! )

This is Melissa and me. You may be saying to yourself, Say hey, now! Kate doesn't look nearly as much like a troll in this picture as she usually does when standing next to the gorgeous Melissa. That would be because I airbrushed out the two crevasses that are normally between my eyes...and my crows feet...and my under eye bags. Because it's just not fair that even standing next to a chick who is seven months pregnant, I am the one with a double chin. Nor is it fair that I have to wear an empire waist dress to disguise a tummy with no baby in it. Just my way of evening out the playing field. Take that, lovely pregnant sister-in-law!

This is the hostess picture in which I refused to take part. No amount of air brushing on my part would disguise my trolliness amongst all of these good-lookin' chicks.

This is Melissa about to open some of the awesome baby loot.

This is Melissa opening my gift. I don't know why she looks so shocked. I still contend that one day that baby will totally appreciate those two bottles of Merlot, box of Ding Dongs, and carton of smokes. Sheesh!


This is Melissa with the cutest baby shower cake I have ever seen. I did not actually eat any. I was off stealing back one of the bottles of wine from the baby gift for the ride home, but I heard the cake was delicious.


This is a closeup of the cake. Cutest cake EVER, right?

And then Melissa had the baby!
(HA! HA! Just kidding! That's Mary Grace.)

So, all in all, it was a lovely party for Melissa. Her mom, family, and friends did a great job!

And in closing, I would like to urge Burt and Melissa to enjoy their pristine baby loot and uninterrupted sleep while they can because next comes the actual baby who will proceed to ruin both in short order. Congrats, guys! As I always say, better you than me!