You Throw Like a Toddler

by Cajun Kate

So have we seen this? Mariah Carey "throwing" out the first pitch at some baseball game in Japan? And believe me by using the word "throw," I'm being very generous. Dude, I am the most physically inept, nonathletic lump ever visited upon the world. My second grade teacher had to call my mom to tell her that I was failing P.E. because I couldn't learn to skip, and my mom had to tutor me on the weekends until I learned this valuable gross motor skill, so I know from goofy inabilities in bodily movement, in general, to say nothing of coordinated ability. Let's not even go into that whole "aerobics dance unit" in high school gym class. Suffice it to say, it was ugly, my friends. And yet I feel, and I say this with utmost confidence, that I would look like a freakin' Cy Young Award winner if Mariah and I went head to head. So here's to you, Mariah Carey! Thanks for being one in probably five billion people who could actually make me feel like a true specimen of athletic prowess.