Columbus Day Five: Gluttony Schmuttony (or Just Give Up Already) and Bye-Byes (or Noooooooooooo!)

by Cajun Kate
(*ed. note: Though I did write this while in Columbus, I did not post it until I got home because Bydee's car sucks and does not have an internet connection.)

So on Day Five, our last day (BOOOO! and HIIISSSSS!), following the previous very late night, Byron and I finally roused ourselves around noon, and I forced Byron to take me to lunch at Red Robin. We do not have Red Robins in Louisiana, but Alex and I always see the commercials, and we have wanted to go to one forever. Perfect chance to harass Alex. I immediately took a pic of the Red Robin sign and text messaged him with the pic and the word “Jealous?” Then I took a pic of my burger and texted him “Red Robin! Yummmmmm!” HA! I’m such a b***h!

After our lunch, we went over to Jen and Tim’s. We had planned to go to the creek side in Olde Town Gahanna, but the weather was not cooperating. There were scattered storms, so we just stayed home and played outside with the boys. I took a lot more video on this day than pics, but here are a few:

Just before bedtime, Bydee and I took some pics with the boys.

Bedtime was the worst for Nanny Kate. Thankfully, the boys must have become accustomed to seeing us, so they did not ask us if we would be there the next day. If they had asked me that, I might have burst into tears. As it was, I had a hard time holding it together. I even peeked my head into their room one last time to say good night and tell them I loved them. Ugh! I did not want to leave those boys! Next time, I am just going to kidnap them. That’s all there is to it. Say goodbye to your children next year, Jen and Tim! Hey, you can always visit them in Louisiana.

Tim fired up the grill for ribs and sweet corn which we ate after the boys went to bed.

While we waited for Tim to finish up the food, we took some more family pics.


Then it was time for the final gluttony... and to figure out some place that was still open in Gahanna so I could pick up that muumuu for the ride home. Take a look at this deliciousness.


This corn was just OH MY GOD delicious. Check out the melted butter to slather on it and parmesan to roll it in. Heaven! I was in heaven!

The goodbyes with Jen and Tim much later that night were just as hard as the earlier ones with the boys. In fact, come to think of it, next year I am going to kidnap Jen, too. Say goodbye to your wife and kids next year, Tim! You can come visit them, though. Aren’t I so generous?

All in all, this trip was the best (minus the ten pounds of new cellulite on my thighs). We got to spend so much time with everyone, and Jen and Tim were so generous. Most importantly, we made some great memories. Now I’m off to begin formulating those kidnapping plans. Oh, and “The Colin and Quinn Video Extravaganza” will be coming soon!

Columbus Day Four: The Zoo Trip and the Ultimate Creampuff Gluttony

by CajunKate

(*ed. note: Though I did write this while in Columbus, I did not post it until I got home because Bydee's car sucks and does not have an internet connection.)

So on Day Four of Kate and Bydee’s excellent Columbus adventure, we actually got up before the crack of noon. Shocking, I know. We headed over to Jen and Tim’s to meet up with Jen and the boys. On the agenda was the Columbus Zoo. I tried my very best to put obsessive thoughts about the Schmidt’s cream puffs I would be having later in the back of my mind.

Colin and Quinn were so excited to go to the zoo! I asked them which animal they most wanted to see. Colin immediately said, “PENGUINS!!!” Of course. That d**n Scamper the Penguin video reared its ugly head again.

I will now present a photo essay of our zoo trip. Off we go!

First, we walked to the Asia section. We saw tigers and flying foxes and this elephant. We also quickly became aware that it was going to take a hell of a lot more than some dumb animals behind glass and/or fences to hold attention spans for more than 16 seconds.

We walked through the aviary on the way out of Asia, and the birds were a total hit...for 16 seconds. Shortly after this, the day began to get really hot, and we began hustling those kids through that zoo at a manic pace determined (determined, d***it!) that those kids were gonna see and do some s**t, dadgum it!

All over the zoo they have these animal statuaries which the kids can climb all over and which allow parents (and picture crazy aunts) to get their photo ops in with minimal whining. Quinn loved the tiger. Two seconds before I took this pic, while frantically waving his arms in excitement, Quinn said "I'm gonna ride dis big tiger, Nanny Kake!"

Finally, before leaving Asia, we got our jam on. The boys loooooved this drum. It is pretty cool. You know I had to get in a few thumps on it.

After a quick snack and hydration break, we dragged Colin and Quinn onward and forward. We stopped off at the hammerhead shark statuary where Quinn, genius that he is, eventually ran off all the other kids by saying, "Look, guys! A hammerhead shark!" NINE THOUSAND TIMES. Awesome. Also, I almost did not get this picture due to some old man who felt the need to tell me a long drawn out story about catching a shark on a charter fishing trip in Myrtle Beach a few weeks ago that his son-in-law had set up. Yes, I know ALL of this about a complete stranger who never even introduced himself, but just launched into his opus while I maintained the polite Southern girl smile and exclamations of "Wow!"; "Huh!"; and the classic "Well, isn't that something!" while frantically keeping an eye on the kids and thinking I was going to have to elbow that old b*****d out of the way before I missed my photo op. Then it was Mush! mush! mush! To the CAROUSEL, squat-legged nephews, as fast as you can! Where Colin, upon catching sight of the carousel, let out a squeal that registered on the Richter scale and promptly abandoned all hand-holding to run toward it. I expected to hear the theme music from "Chariots of Fire" bust out. It was freaking hilarious!

While Uncle Bydee got tickets, the boys just sat there completely entranced. There was no whining, no bugging out, no incessant chorus of "When's mmmmyyyyy turn to ride?" Just pure, unadulterated ogling of fancy wooden horses. Awesome.

This was my first try at a pic. Do you have ANY idea of the difficulty in competing for attention with fancy wooden horses that go round and round? Well, I'll tell you that in this case it resulted in an almost middle-aged, childless woman standing behind a fence thundering out, "Colin! Quinn! Look at Nanny Kate!" until complete strangers were like, "B***h, shut the hell up and leave those kids alone!"

Success at last! And I just need to point out that Quinn had that horse picked out specifically and dragged Jenny over to it saying, "This is the one, Mommy!" All that earlier horse ogling really worked out for him.

I include this pic simply because of the looks on their faces which I happen to think are absolutely hysterical. They were waiting for the carousel to start spinning. After the carousel, the march was back on! Forward to the boat ride, rapidly tiring and increasingly sweaty nephews!

This is Quinn on the boat ride, which went through Australia and gave you the chance to see gibbons, various monkeys, and otters. Quinn loved the boat ride so much that, when I took him off at the end, he began wailing. I thought maybe he was hurt, but as I set him down on the bench and asked him what was wrong, he managed to tearfully gulp out, "But I wanted to go AGAIN, Nanny Kake!" Sorry, dude, time to march on.

And this is Colin on the boat ride; he just sat there and giggled the entire time. Love it.

Really, Bydee? Throwing gang signs on the boat ride? Inappropriate much? Friggin' Bydee, man!

Last stop of the day was the Wings and Things playground. I cannot even begin to tell you what a blast they had here. Though it could be a little confusing to be on a multi-level climbing apparatus. I know this because at one point, Quinn yelled out, "Oh, no! Nanny Kake, I'z trapped! I'z trapped!" It was my job to convince him that, no, he was not trapped.

This pic is the result of a concerted effort on my part that basically consisted of me bellowing out, "COOOOOLIIIIN! LOOOOOOOK AT NANNY KATE!" until the entire zoo crowd gathered to see what the big deal was.

This pretty much sums up how the day ended. Do you see how sweaty and red that kid is? Later, when Byron overheard Jenny and I talking about something that had happened at the zoo, Byron said, "What are y'all talking about? The Bataan Death March?" And we were both like, "What? No! We're talking about the zoo trip!" And he was all, "Yeah! The Bataan Death March!" At which point, Jenny and I busted out laughing because we totally did drag those kids through that zoo until they were exhausted, sweaty, thirsty, and hungry. The only thing missing was the jungle rotted feet.

At the end of the day, Jen and Bydee had to carry the boys, who were tuckered out and red as beets, on the long trek to the car. By the time we finally got to the car, everyone was dripping with sweat and red-faced. We made a quick stop for a late lunch at “Old McDonald’s," which is what Quinn and Colin call McDonald’s; it's OLD McDonald’s, like the farm. As a treat for being so good at the zoo, and in an effort to cool them off as quickly as possible, each of the boys got a small chocolate shake. Quinn was the most excited about his “chocolate ice cream.” But it was Colin who managed to drink the entire thing by the time we reached home. Quinn could not compete with that. He only drank half of his.

When we got back to Jen and Tim’s, everybody was whipped. I present to you Exhibit A: photo evidence of what a four hour trip to the zoo with two toddlers can do to an adult body. (Where those gang signs now, buddy?)

After naps, all of us, including family friend Paul, all headed down to meet Tim’s parents at Schmidt’s, home of the most glorious cream puff on planet Earth and object of my obsession.

We met Tim’s parents there. We had to wait to get a table, so I went for a walk around the neighborhood. Schmidt’s is located in an area called German Village. If I had to live in Columbus, this is where I would want to live. The streets are still cobblestone and all of the houses are cute little cottages. Here, look:

Just before we went inside, Colin found some old sunglasses in my purse and wanted to wear them.

Naturally, he had to wear them inside. As we walked into the foyer, there was a group of older ladies and gents walking out. Colin said to them, “Hey, guys! Look at me!” I cracked up. Those old people were totally charmed by him. One lady said, “Oh! You look just like a movie star!” As we continued into the actual restaurant, we had to traverse the area where a throng of people were waiting for tables. As we passed each group, Colin would yell out, “Hey guys! Look at me!” He was quite a hit.

Now on the important stuff- the FOOD! I had the buffet because I love variety and also I am a giant pig, and it is an all you can eat buffet. If you find yourself one day facing the buffet at Schmidt’s, here are the things you must get: garlic knockwurst, grilled bratwurst, Bahama Mama (Schmidt’s signature German sausage), German potato salad, red cabbage, sauerkraut, corned beef and cabbage, and sausage stew. These are my favorites. Did I really eat all that? Ya gosh darn right I did! Who knows when I will get back to Schmidt’s again? BUT, of course, the piece de resistance at Schmidt’s is the CREAM PUFF. (Do you hear those angels singing the Hallelujah chorus right now?) Now, there are two kind of fillings for the puffs- chocolate and vanilla. I usually get the vanilla because I consider it perfection, and why mess with perfection, right? But that night, I decided to try the chocolate. Oh my, my! Heavenly, people. Still, I like the vanilla best. As I told Jen and Tim the first time they brought me to Schmidt’s and ordered me a puff, “Oh my God! I wanna like throw myself in a vat of this and just bathe in it and eat my way to the bottom!” Needless to say, by the end I was thoroughly stuffed and waddling. At that moment an oompah band struck up in the front of the house. Colin and Quinn, of course, had to see that!

Well, may be Quinn actually didn't want to see that. But Colin sure did!

Notice Colin is still kicking it (with his sunglasses at the ready), and Quinn has now decided that, yeah, he might as well take a peek.

* The sweetest part of the evening was that Tim’s parents paid for our meal. Wasn’t that awesome of them? They’re the best! (Hi, Mrs. Elaine and Mr. Don!)

Back at the ranch, we tucked the boys in, drank waaaayyy too much beer, and played a card game called Uecker (named for Bob Uecker?) Finally, at two o’clock, Byron and I stumbled back to the hotel already lamenting the fact that tomorrow would be our last day. Boooooooooooooo and hiiiiiiissssssssssss to that, man!

Columbus Day Three: Beyond Gluttony and an Albino Squirrel Encounter

by CajunKate

So yesterday was Day Three of our Columbus expedition. I actually got up and walked three miles on the treadmill in some sort of effort to work off the nine million calories I ate in the first two days. For a day that started off with such healthy promise, the quick decline in healthfulness was truly something to behold.

Jen and Tim were busy getting the boys admitted for acceptance to a pre-school program and catching up on house chores. Now I know I've been calling this the Columbus trip, but Jen and Tim do not actually live in Columbus. They live in Gahanna, a very cute little suburb. In Gahanna, there is a section of town called Olde Town which is an upscale district with luxury apartments, boutiques, and restaurants. All of it is set on Big Walnut Creek, and there are walking trails along the banks. This is the area where Bydee and I decided to have lunch. We ate at a place called Old Bag of Nails (a.k.a. OBON) that Tim and Jen had suggested. At OBON, Bydee and I sat creek side under the shade of tree canopy and umbrellas. The day was gorgeous since a cold front had come through. (Am I in heaven? Cold fronts in July? Thank you, Baby Jesus!) I continued my healthy program by ordering a SALAD! Yes, actual roughage...oh, and an order of onion rings as an appetizer. But, all things considered, I thought I was still doing, um...okay on my healthy day. After lunch, Bydee and I walked around the creek area where people were picnicking on the banks and frolicking in the creek and waterfall.

If I lived here, I'd be down there every day. (I found myself trying to imagine people doing the same thing along the banks of the Vermilion River back in Lafayette. I think that would consist of dying from heat exhaustion, ingesting water-born viruses, and being drained of all blood by mosquitoes.) As we emerged back up at street level, Bydee busts out with, "How about some ice cream?" There was a Coldstone Creamery looming ahead. I promised myself I would get a soft-serve yogurt or something. I ended up with a waffle bowl of sweet cream ice cream mixed with pecans, caramel sauce, and fudge brownies... hate, hate, hate Bydee! Yes, he IS totally responsible for my lack of self-control. Thank you for seeing things my way.

After lunch we headed back over to Jen and Tim's. Colin and Quinn were taking a nap so I just sat on Jen and Tim's back porch in a food coma while everyone else took a nap with them. I did not take a nap. I find that a strange thing has happened as I grow older. My body has slowly discarded the Daigle gene for relishing naps. It is truly odd that I can no longer take a nap in the middle of the day and IT SUCKS, especially when I was in that downward spiral from the Coldstone Creamery sugar high. It was during this back porch time that I had the freakiest backyard wildlife sighting ever. An ALBINO squirrel! It was feasting on mulberries. Check it!



Colin and Quinn (and everyone else) eventually awoke. There was more of that d**n Scamper the Penguin movie, which I am now officially labeling as "The Movie Most Likely to Make Me Impale Myself on a Bed of Dull Nail Files." Also, we were treated to two concerts each with the keyboard as accompaniment.




Also, I have failed to mention in previous posts that both of the boys have developed an obsessive love of my cameras. Colin prefers the still camera, and Quinn likes the video camera. Jen and Tim do not like the fact that I let the boys use their sticky little hands to grapple with my expensive doo-dads. Me? Meh. Seriously, both Colin and Quinn take directions very well. So I trained them on how to hold the cameras, and they both already know that the cameras are "delicate." Yes, they actually know what this word means. When they get a little rough, I just say, "Remember! Delicate. What does that mean?" To which they will reply, "Be geeeentle like with a cafferpillar!" That would be a caterpillar to the rest of us.

I can't show you any of Quinn's handiwork with the video camera, but beware that if he ever sees you with one, he will ask you EIGHT HUNDRED MILLLION times, "I can capture you on film?" until you finally give up and hand him the camera because, really, any four year old who uses the phrase capture you on film has got to be the next Martin Scorsese, right? Also, you can just leave the camera on pause; he is none the wiser, and you won't end up with a bunch of crappy video of people's feet. This little trick is why I can't show you any of his handiwork. None of it actually exists. Also, I forgot the computer cable for the video camera (IDIOT!) so I can't show you any of my videos either. Lucky you! Well, at least for the next few days until I get home, then it's a video fest, yo!

Colin, on the other hand, has completely figured out how to turn my still camera on and off, raise the flash, and take pictures. This means every night, after he goes to bed, I have to delete ONE THOUSAND pictures of feet and sidewalk. It also means that, in desperation, I will resort to telling a three year old that the camera has to take a nap. I will go even further to ensure that said three year old really believes that this inanimate object needs a nap by constructing an elaborate ritual with the camera's "bed" (the bag) and "tucking the camera in" (zipping the bag shut). Ten seconds after putting the camera down for its nap, Colin begins asking, "Camera waked up now?" and this continues every ten seconds until I turn on the dreaded Scamper the Penguin to distract him and to avoid having my head implode from saying, "Not yet!" every ten seconds. But Colin has actually gotten pretty good at taking pictures over the past few days. For example, he took this one:
But let's not get too excited about our future Ansel Adams since for every one of his masterpieces, he takes NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE of these:


Due to Colin's obsession, one would think I would be smart enough to avoid breaking out the camera to capture precious moments spent with the sprinkler ball in the backyard. I should have known that as soon as Colin spotted the camera, he would scream, "Camera waked up!" and come barreling toward me sopping wet with hands outstretched proclaiming, "I take picture of you!" and that I would then have to put the camera away and deal with the fact that I only got about five pictures of the cutest little boys on Earth and their shiny, wet bodies molesting a giant beach ball with water spraying out of it. Which is exactly what happened.




Later on, Colin and Quinn took a bath.


Then the boys hit the sack, and the adults ordered Chinese food. All I ordered were the steamed dumplings. I ordered these because a) I loooove them and b) no Chinese places in Lafayette have these on their menus, and this is weird because, from what I can tell, they are a menu staple on every other Chinese menu in the continental United States. Thus when I get the chance to order steamed dumplings, I take it. And, dude, these dumplings were hella delicious. I think I may have eaten forty of them...give or take. At this point, my body was all, "REALLY? SERIOUSLY? More food? Yeah, cause the salad, onion rings, and ginormous ice cream treat from, oh, five hours ago have been completely burned off, right?" My body may have had a point, but I just ignored it. I mean, Helloooooo, body! It's steamed dumplings. What about that says moderation to you?

So to recap Day Three- stuff face, freak out over albino squirrel, devour cuteness that is nephews and completely oblige then in their love of my very expensive do-dads, stuff face more.

I am beginning to worry that I will have to buy a muumuu for the ride home to Louisiana cuz, yesterday, seriously, the buttons on my pants? Screaming from the strain of trying to hold in my belly. Oy.